-Put up or shut up. If you don’t like my account of something why not write your own?

-My ask is open and my comments are open. If you have a question about facts or research, ask me. Why speculate about me behind my back? Is it because you know you’re full of shit whereas I can back up what I say?

-Not only have I been informed (by multiple readers) about what you’ve said about my blog, I also know what you’ve said about my friends and while I have not discussed it with them to avoid causing distress if they don’t know about it, I would imagine they do.

-It’s my fucking blog and I will curse as much as I want to.

-Don’t make personal attacks. You know nothing about me.

-If you’re so fucking mature why are you trashing people young enough to be your children on the internet? You’re a grown-ass adult. Get a fucking life.

-If Tumblr is not your scene, then stay the fuck away from Tumblr. The Tumblr royal fandom belongs to us, not you. We don’t care about peasants except when you steal from us and spread lies about us. Maybe we should go on your forums and your groups and talk shit about you.

-We all know about you and your websites. There’s a reason that we have our little corner and you have yours. Namely that you’re all either racists, people who tolerate racists, or hypocritical assholes who talk shit about the people they pretend to like.

-Because you refuse to tolerate viewpoints contradictory to your own, and because you chose to insult the generations that come after you, your sites are dying out. Many of your saner members have made a mass exodus to Tumblr, where we have opened them with open arms. When they return to you as lurkers, they are horrified by your words and what you have turned into.

In short: you’re sad, pathetic, lonely people who are obviously trying to hurt others in an environment where they can’t dispute you. You know exactly who you are. You’re peasants. You are bad. You should feel bad.

Lord Nicholas Windsor demonstrating what Prince William’s head will look like in ten years.

Lord Nicholas Windsor with his wife Paola and baby Albert.

Look at his facial expression. He’s thinking:

“Hahaha I control this woman’s uterus!”

Royal fiancee Katie Walker being an idiot on MSNBC. No, Katie, the majority of Americans don’t agree with you. I do feel bad for her having to go on before Eliot Spitzer. I bet that’s why she wore something so modest. He likes blondes.

That idiot who wrote the book about Elizabeth I having five kids and having sex with one of them and then he became Shakespeare or whatever is defending his crazy story on UnofficialRoyalty. You ever saw that movie Anonymous? Yeah. That guy.

She can’t write anything about the royal family without berating and spreading untruths about Diana. Courtesy of the Daily Fail, naturally.

In her new biography of the Queen Mother, Lady Colin Campbell says King George VI aka Bertie was “unattractive” and “mouselike”. Reblog if you disagree!

I could see the Queen Mum telling one of her many would-be suitors, “Oh, darling, I don’t know what you were expecting but I don’t do sex.”

And then she would have a good laugh at that loser’s expense.

That does not mean her kids were conceived with a turkey baster.

Known trash biographer Colin Campbell has a new story! Did you know the Queen Mum’s real mom was apparently her family’s cook?

Every time I think these people can’t get any more ridiculous, they top themselves.

This is one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard. Why the hell would a woman who already has eight children pretend to be mother to his lovechild with the cook? And the idea the nickname “Cookie” had something to do with that? Wallis called her Cookie because she thought Elizabeth was fat and dumpy looking. She was just being bitchy. You really think if Wallis had heard even a whiff of something like that she wouldn’t have spread it far and wide? Particularly given her desperation to make her own background seem better than it was. If Wallis had thought Elizabeth’s real mother was a servant she would have made sure every socialite in the jet set knew about it. Also David would not have even thought to look up dirt on Elizabeth until after the abdication. Colin Campbell claims this story comes from the “Windsor circle” but this is bullshit. She made it up. I have read almost every book ever published on David and Wallis and nothing suggests they had ever even heard this story.

In one of Colin Campbell’s previous books (The Royal Marriages) she writes a lot of nasty things about Bertie and Elizabeth, mainly that Bertie was unfaithful. Obviously a vicious lie. But nothing about Elizabeth’s parentage. She needed a new story to sell books, and this one seemed shocking enough. She’s written several vile anti-Diana books as well but I won’t touch those.

Elizabeth and Cecilia were incredibly close. Cecilia wasn’t above making it known to Elizabeth that she was the favorite. They were best friends, and Cecilia was close to her other daughters but not to that extent. They also look a lot alike! It makes absolutely zero sense. The only evidence Colin Campbell seems to have is Elizabeth’s middle name and the questions over where she was born. With those standards you could claim pretty much the whole Windsor family were the children of servants! Ted Kennedy was named after someone who worked for his family who was probably not his “real dad” so perhaps Elizabeth was given the middle name Marguerite in honor of the respected cook as a sign of respect. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence.

Lady Colin Campbell is just awful. On the plus side, there are some nice pictures in the Daily Fail article.

ETA: Also y’all think for one second that George and May didn’t vet her before she was allowed to marry in? Rosemary Leveson-Gower had way less juicy family secrets and she wasn’t allowed in.

One of my dear friends recently checked out a certain book from the library. I told her that it was trashy, and that she shouldn’t believe a word of it. She totally disregarded my views, because to her the books makes so much sense. Things she hadn’t previously understood just all fell into place!

Like for instance, why the Queen Mum hated Wallis so much. Did you guys know she was in love with David? It’s true! She only married Bertie because David didn’t want her! Not only was she in love with him, but Elizabeth carried a torch for David for decades. That’s why she hated Wallis. For stealing her imginary boyfriend. All those years Elizabeth was married to Bertie (who was like, ugly and gross and stuff, right guys?) she was pining for David and wishing desperately she had him as a husband instead of a man who worshipped the ground she walked on.

Of course in that context, her friendship with Thelma Furness doesn’t make much sense, because after all if she was so jealous of David loving another woman that she would punish Wallis for thirty years why wouldn’t she have hated Thelma? My guess is that she was trying to secretly murder her.

Isn’t this theory totally logical and rational and not at all stupid?

Today, I saw a certain book about Wallis Simpson at Barnes and Noble. It was next to that book from the lady who claims she played hide the sausage with JFK.This is the first time in my life I’ve ever seen a book about Wallis or David at Barnes and Noble. Guess which book it was?

I skimmed through and found a whole chapter of bullshit speculation about Wallis’s vagina, or lack thereof. It’s insane, and made more ridiculous when you realize the woman writing this probably knows what she’s writing is untrue. Needless to say, I have no intention of buying this book. From my skimming it looks like the books is only about seventy pages of biography (hardly enough to get a decent overview of Wallis’s life) that veers off track every other chapter for some random baseless speculation. It also includes copious quoting from letters and diaries. Some of it is relevant, some of it seems totally pointless which makes me think the author went back and added stuff to pad the book to a respectable length.

There are pictures, 90% of which come from the first page of a google images search for Wallis Simpson. One of the pictures included was a photoshop creation from the AP forums back in 2004 or 2005. I remember when it was originally posted. I wonder how the author got permission for it or if she bothered to get permission at all.

I flipped through and read several sections at random and found quite a lot about Ernest Simpson and Mary Kirk, two people that I’m reasonably sure no one anywhere gives a fuck about. Apparently Mary thought Wallis was as bad as Hitler and really had it out for her. Probably jealous or something. It all goes back to my theory the book was heavily padded.

Either way the book (That Woman by Anne Sebba for those who don’t know) doesn’t even seem to be a real biography of any kind, so for the love of God don’t waste your money. I mean, entire decades are summed up in two or three pages. I didn’t check but I get the feeling there’s no mention of Wallis’s battle with ovarian cancer because that kind of pokes a hole in the book’s main theory.

It’s just really awful that this is the only book on Wallis that has gotten any kind of wide release in the last fifteen years or so. Perhaps it’s just me living in a less than glamorous part of the country, but all of the books I’ve ever gotten on Wallis (or David for that matter) I got used or off the internet. I bought a The People’s King new a few years back, but that was from an independent bookstore that carried a lot of history books outside of what the chains have. It’s like the stuff that gets published in America about the royals is 99% rubbish these days. My usual thought is that American authors tend to be much more lurid and trashy than British authors, but with Wallis the opposite is true and the British are always the ones spreading the trash.

I guess I feel like that in this day and age if someone actually wrote a detailed, completely true and verifiable book on Wallis’s life no one would want to publish it because trash sells. If I’m not mistaken that awful “Hey everyone I slept with President Kennedy!” book is actually on the bestseller list. I think Wallis is obscure enough this book won’t sell very well. Especially in my neck of the woods. Though I can just imagine those little old white-haired ladies who were in the theater when I saw The King’s Speech coming accross this book at the store, getting to the chapter on Wallis’s genitals, and quickly putting it down in horror.

As problematic as the whole thing was, I’d like to hope W.E. will increase interest in Wallis and lead to some well-researched books getting published like what happened after The Other Boleyn Girl with the Tudors. But considering W.E. isn’t even coming out in most of the country that seems unlikely. I still do think the Windsors are the new Tudors, but the focus will be more on Princess Diana (two different movies about her are coming out soon) and people interested in the earlier stuff will be more interested in Bertie and Elizabeth and the early years of the Queen’s reign. I wouldn’t be surprised if Princess Margaret became a popular topic in the next few years since her story hits all the marks for what Americans tend to find interesting.