“Princess Diana was not a Saint! I must bring this up any time people discuss her, because apparently people have started calling her Blessed Diana and collecting her personal items to use as relics. Her fans must all be under the delusion she was a perfect person who never did anything wrong in her life! I am sure they have not heard the exact sentence “Princess Diana was not a Saint” before in their lives or else they would have stopped liking her by now. I must correct this! Especially when people are criticizing Charles and Camilla, because Diana not being a Saint clear them of all charges! It’s not like there’s anything wrong with being an asshole to someone who’s not perfect! Once Diana’s lack of saintliness becomes well known people will understand that every bad thing that ever happened to her was her own fault!”
“Prince Harry is a Nazi. Remember when he wore that Nazi uniform seven years ago? I don’t care if he apologized for it! He is forever tainted! What someone wore to a costume party at age twenty is highly relevant for the entire rest of their life! He obviously wore that costume because he’s a neo-Nazi and not because college aged boys have twisted sense of humor. I must bring this up every time he is ever mentioned in any capacity. Even if people are just saying he looks hot, because it’s not like bad people can be hot! That’s why both Chris Brown and John Edwards are so hideous looking!”
“Wallis Simpson and Edward VIII were Nazi sympathizers! I must bring this up any time anyone ever mentions either one of them in any capacity. No, I haven’t actually read any books on them or anything, but I spent thirty seconds on google and I am a critical person, dammit! I don’t really know what I mean when I say “Nazi sympathizers” either, but I found a picture of them with Hitler on google images! I must bring up these findings whenever anyone on the internet mentions them because surely anyone who ever says anything about them without first specifying they were evil Nazi sympathizers is unaware of the shocking revelations which I, in my infinite googling wisdom, have uncovered! Also I am disgusted and sickened that anyone anywhere thinks they were in love or had a romantic story, as people I find morally reprehensible have no souls and are obviously incapable of love.”
“The royal family are a bunch of useless parasites! They don’t even have real jobs. Anyone who is interested in them, or, worse, likes them, is an idiot. Which is why I purposefully seek out articles about them so I can leave comments telling people how useless they are. I am sure their fans have never heard any of this before. That’s the reason I make sure I have every member of the British royal family on google alert so I can insure I read every article ever published on any of them and then share my distaste for them (and everyone who follows them) in the comments. It’s not like I have a life, or anything better to do with my time. This is absolutely the best possible use of my time! Those royal watchers should be ashamed of themselves, wasting their lives away following such useless people.”
“OMG! Kate is wearing a blue dress! You know who also wore a blue dress? DIANA! Kate is the new Diana! Diana is the gold standard to which all royal women must be compared, even if they’re nothing like her. Any time a new royal woman will come on the scene, I will call her the new Diana until she does something disappointing that Diana never would have done; then I will condemn her as the anti-Christ! Though I think Diana was the greatest royal woman of all time and no one else comes close, that won’t stop me from comparing Kate, Chelsy, and even women from different royal families that have completely different cultures, to Diana. Deep down, I know none of these women will live up to Diana’s standards and that comparing them, even in positive ways, does more harm than good. I just really want Diana back!”
